Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
