too bad you live with your parents still
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
