I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
birth control should be required to get into college
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i've created a new STD.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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