I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
