the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
