He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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