In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
