i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
