i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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