So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
