She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
