He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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