walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
