i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
