i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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