One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
