Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
