I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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