Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
