He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
