If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
