I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
