I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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