You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
