Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
