I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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