just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Come see our sink grown plant.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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