ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
