New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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