They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
