Im at strip club and am horny
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
