dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
