I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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