My nipple is on Facebook.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you would pick up someone in the library
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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