It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
