Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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