Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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