i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
