she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
