Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
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