i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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