From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
