she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
