he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
