i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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