is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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