So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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