I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
