The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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