I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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