I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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