This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this beer tastes like vomit already
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
