I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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