And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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