sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
